The Fidelis Care Blog

The unspeakable events in Buffalo shook all of us. Whether we experienced them as a direct injury to ourselves, our family and our neighbors, or more distantly as observers with a shared humanity, we feel shaken and disturbed. Reactions run the gamut from grief to anxiety to anger. These reactions are normal, but can be uncomfortable and can interfere with our ability to function effectively. Coping and growing are skills that can be learned and practiced. This is not to minimize the horror of the events; coping effectively can help us stay strong and mobilize this strength in the service of others.

Mass disasters and tragedies shatter our sense of safety. Reactions can range from emotional swings of crying to anger to numbness; we might withdraw, or engage in risky activities such as substance use in an attempt to control our feelings. We might note physical and mental symptoms such as difficulty focusing, fatigue, sleep problems, and pain and we may indeed find ourselves feeling hopeless. Remember, this recent tragedy comes on the heels of so much suffering: the killing of George Floyd and the communal awakening that surrounded it, the myriad losses of people and routines that still accompany the COVID pandemic, 9/11, and the decades and generations of ethnic and racial disparities that effect every aspect of our lives. In fact, it is to be expected that we will react to a new tragedy with renewed memories and stresses associated with past traumas.

What do we do when we feel like we can’t do anything?

• Start by taking care of yourself. Tend to the basics. Are we eating and hydrating, getting out of bed and getting dressed, resting and trying to sleep?
• Talk. Find others who will listen and who will share their own thoughts and feelings, as mixed up as they may be. Reflect on your feelings and name them.  It’s not surprising that our feelings will be contradictory and will change from day to day and hour to hour.  See if you can identify triggers to powerful feelings.
• Get support. Friends, family, community groups are where healing happens. If we give in to our tendency to curl into a ball and isolate, we will deprive ourselves and our friends of the most important tool: other people.
• Get involved. Positive action helps us as it helps others.  We need to remind ourselves that we are not powerless. We might be able to donate time or money, to write letters, or to care for others who need more help.
• Break down tasks into manageable bites. Do one thing and check it off rather than tackle everything when it all feels like it’s just too much.
• Restore your inner strength. Disconnect from news and social media for several hours, and take the time to seek out restorative activities including music, art and writing; people and pets; and activities such as walking outside and doing yoga and stretching.

Don’t be hard on yourself. Feelings and reactions are cyclical, and it is normal to see flare-ups of strong emotions. It’s also normal to let go and to laugh and enjoy yourself even in the midst of horror; it’s our soul’s attempt to heal. Focus on strength, and remember ways that we have overcome adversity in the past. If it still feels like too much, remember that reaching out for help is a sign of strength. If you need help, all New Yorkers can call the NY Project Hope Line at 844-863-9314 to speak to a crisis counselor, seven days a week from 8 AM to 10 PM. NY Project Hope Line is a free, confidential crisis hotline for mental health support that connects New Yorkers with the resources they need.

Additional resources:
https://www.ny.gov/resources-services-residents-impacted-buffalo-shooting